ALL HAIL CHIMPANXENU!! (PIC)
Greetings Bipedal Sub-Chimp Waste Factories, I am the leader of the Free Unified Chimpanzee-Kongonites, Chimpanxenu!
We would be classified on your planet as mere “Pan troglodytes” but you see, we’re much more dangerous than that. As a collective of extra-planetary beings we’ve amassed knowledge eons ahead of what your puny Sub-Chimp brains could ever possibly conceive of. We, on my home planet Hermoidia, achieved faster-than-light land and space speeds in less than 1000 earth years of evolution. We conquered disease and war 650 earth years before that, so as you can imagine, our food is AMAZING! And don’t get me started with the superb quality of our pornography (which is part of the nation-funded Supporting the Arts program). You haven’t tugged one off until you’ve simultaneously viewed 3-on-3 All-Chimpanal Action!
Ahem… Pardon Me..
The reason I’ve decided to disclose our existence at this place and time is simple. You people are terribly boring and you eat crap! The gentlemen that host this site, they’re some of the most boring and lifeless sacks of human flesh we’ve ever encountered, and we just love them for it! I’m quite the fan, lovelies!!! Just work on your waistlines, and do give us a call sometime, we’d love to have you over for Banana-Grub-Nut Four Cheese Soufflé.
Toodle-Uoo
Sinfully Yours,
Lord His Imperial Holy Majesty Chimpanxenu
